the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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