My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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