oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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