dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
