So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
