i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
