happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
