I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
