8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
