dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
