I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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