Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
