We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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