why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
