she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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