you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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