Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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