the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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