So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My liver just broke up with me...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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