She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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