At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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