I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
