You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
