I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I supernannyed him into submission
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
