if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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