He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
PANTIES FOUND
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