i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
