Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
