And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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