I am puke
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she told me i tasted like america
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
