please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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