I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
