My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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