I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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