I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
