I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
