You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
