i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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