Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
