Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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