Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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