she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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