Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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