remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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