Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
