I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
