Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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