Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
