Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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