Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
