dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
