remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
